I write to remember...

i can ride my bike with no handle bars, no handle bars

Wed, 14 May 2008 01:49:21 GMT

warning: crazy wedding ramblings
so even tho theres two years before the wedding, i'm driving myself crazy because i want to plan everything like, yesterday. we have a hall which will be the venue for the ceremony as well as the reception. it was the first one i saw online, the first one nick and i went to, and we fell in love with it. its prefect, its everything we could want. i'm currently looking at photographers and the ones i like are either way too much money, dont do albums or arent giving prices for 2010 yet. liweddings is a curse as much as it is a blessing. i'm supposed to have a photographer at the engagement party? what? speaking of, i need to get that guest list together and try to order invitations. who knew invitations could be so expensive, i also lost the direction cards capt bills gave us, i dont know where tho. its so easy to see how planning all this could get so out of hand money wise, yes i want custom cocktail napkins and yes i want those gorgeous chair covers. are said chair covers worth the 500 theyd cost to rent for the day? not really, but i do like them. if one more person asks me about a wedding dress, i'm going to stab them. i have no desire to even look at dresses, tho i've already got dresses for the girls picked out. still not sure whats going on as far as a bridal party, ideally i'd like to have that figured out by the engagement party, but who knows. because we booked the hall, we have an official date. may 15, 2010. i'm getting married may 15, 2010. holy shit, i'm getting married. yes, i've been engaged since january of this year, but its still weird to say it, i'm getting married. its crazy to think i'm going to be the first of my friends (besides angie who is getting married in november 09 last i heard) to get married. i never thought i would ever get married, especially this young. i'll be 25 when i get married, thats insane, but also perfect. then we can look for a house, enjoy being married for a bit and then start a family. one of the craziest parts of all of this is i'm not scared to do any of this with nick. its insane to think that just three years ago, i was miserable, hanging out with random jerks going nowhere in life. three years later, i'm in a wonderful relationship with the man i'm going to marry and start a family with, i've got a pretty good job that i've been promoted at in just six months, and i've got my shit together. its like i'm not even the same person.

Sun, 06 Apr 2008 17:40:57 GMT

i havent posted in this in forever, but i keep meaning to. work is dumb, i keep getting new people that either never show up or leave after a week. i'm going to try my best to not work 10 hours of overtime every week, i cant take it, its not healthy to be stuck in that place for that long, especially going in on saturdays which is not in my job requirements. we're trying to plan an engagement party but havent had time to go look since both debbie and my parents are busy. i wish i could just take off the next two years and just spend all my time planning the most amazing wedding possible. i know nick and everyone will help me plan, but i just know if i had more free time to look things up and research and compare itd be all that much better. in a perfect world, i'd win the lottery and nick and i wouldnt have to work and we could just travel and plan this wedding non stop. if only it were a prefect world.

Sun, 06 Jan 2008 20:54:04 GMT

suck it

still cant believe it...

Wed, 02 Jan 2008 18:57:43 GMT

i'm engaged. nick proposed after midnight new years eve/day as we watched the fireworks on the strip. he told me how much he loved me, and i cried and shook and screamed. my ring is absolutely gorgeous, its everything i could possibly want. i've never been this happy with someone in all my life, nick has made me the luckiest girl in the world, as cliche as that sounds. 2008 rang in in the best way possible. happy new year.

a list of things i hate

Fri, 21 Sep 2007 01:30:48 GMT

i havent posted in my journal in like, forever, so i'm making a list of things i hate. i could give a shit.

petty girl drama at work, its not high school anymore, assholes
computers that dont work
people who "pull a J" *april will know what this means
asshole neighbors who back up into your parked car at night and fuck up your back quarter panel and bumper
getting a "raise" thats less than a fucking dollar, whats the point?
getting up early just to go to a place where all you do is hear people bitch, if they bother talking to you
being on the phone for an hour talking to your boss when you get home from work because you cant talk to them at work for fear of your manager crying about it
people who live in the past and just cry about everything and anything, boo fuckin hoo
people who try to be other people because they're pathetic and are too afraid of being themselves
having your tire blow out three blocks from your house, still not cool
stupid people who dont know how to pay their goddamn medical bills
stupid insurance companies who deny claims because they put an S in an id number instead of a 5
getting forced to go to meetings that dont apply to you when you've got a ton of work that just keeps piling up
only getting half an hour lunch break when it takes you ten minutes to drive back to your house, each way
annoying people who cant drive
annoying people in general
lots of other things, but i cant think of them right now.

Tue, 15 May 2007 01:34:59 GMT

if everything in my life is changing for the better, than why arent i?

Mon, 26 Mar 2007 12:07:07 GMT

i leave for work in ten minutes, and i'm not even dressed. i feel like crap today, i've been sick all morning and my stomach pretty much hates me. i want it to be easter already. not because i like easter, its my least favorite holiday, but because i'm taking off two days and we're going to maryland. three-four days away from my house? fuck yes.

i need...

Thu, 01 Mar 2007 03:25:18 GMT

this job to become permanent, and pay well
this job also better offer benefits, because i think a therapist wouldnt hurt at this point
to go back to the eye doctor
new glasses, and even rx sunglasses, that way i dont kill us driving to ohio
to save a ton of money so nick and i can finally get a place
to try and figure out why i've been getting so depressed and anxious all the time, seemingly out of nowhere
to start to focus on enjoying life overall instead of focusing on loathing certain details
to quit my goddamn bitching, obviously no one cares.

Tue, 20 Feb 2007 23:37:06 GMT

anyone else see a problem with this picture??

answer: it's not even remotely funny, in any way.

i've been planning on writting in this for days now, but anytime i try to it fucks up in some way, so hopefully one day this week there will be a real post, with pictures and everything.

interviews

Thu, 01 Feb 2007 16:28:14 GMT

i feel like going on an interview is like going on a really shitty blind date. you get nervous, and your mouth gets dry, but when it comes down to it you really dont want to be there. you have to make idle chit chat and answer stupid questions and try and impress the other person, only to be let down by that person when they dont impress you. then you end it awkwardly with "i'll give you a call", and you either know you're going to get a call and you're dreading it, or you're dreading the fact that you know you're not going to get a call back. with that being said, i've got half an hour to kill before my next interview.

i write the worst journal entries ever

Wed, 31 Jan 2007 19:23:28 GMT

I'm sick of feeling so depressed and feeling as if I have no control over anything. Its like I woke up one day and all of a sudden I was supposed to be an adult. I'm so goddamn scared of making the wrong decision or the wrong choice that I get myself literally sick over things. I feel like such a disappointment.

i think theres something in the water.

Thu, 04 Jan 2007 23:58:36 GMT

everytime i go online or answer the phone, someone else is either pregnant or engaged. seriously, wtf? i dont get why everyone wants to "grow up" so fast. getting married or having a kid doesnt make you more mature, but i think most people believe that it does. dont get my wrong, certain people i'm extremely happy for and i wish them all the best, but i know others are doing it for the wrong reasons.

Mon, 01 Jan 2007 21:03:20 GMT

so it seems a lot more people like death cab than i thought, because nearly everyone is putting the same line somewhere today. well, i'm not going to. i'm making this short and sweet. my new years eve was great, i was in my pjs watching ace of cakes and dog the bounty hunter all night with nick. we woke up late and are going to have dinner with my parents, followed by coldstone tonite. this year is going to be very different. i'm finally ready to do what has to be done. last nite i took my snakebites out, i'm going to get a real job asap. then we're going to find a place, and it'll be amazing, it'll be ours. i cant wait <3

i took this from joelle...

Wed, 20 Dec 2006 17:41:13 GMT

2006:
1. go to a party?: i think so
2. try something new?: sure
3. have someone change your life?: yes
4. kiss someone?: everyday
5. tell your family and friends you love them?: yes
6. buy something extravagant?: i paid for nicks other two angels and the rest of my feet
7. do something nice for you?: i guess
8. do something terribly wrong?: i wouldnt say terribly wrong, thats kind of extreme
9. move?: i helped nick move, that was enough for me
10. go to a concert?: not as many as i used to, but a handful

best of the year:
1. party: my pirate graduation party, nicole and mike's wedding in vegas
2. show: probably a tsunamis show because thats what i went to most this year
3. cd: fear everything or the evergreen terrace covers cd(i dont think it came out this year, but i got it for my birthday this year, and i love it)
4. movie: did i see dave chappelle's block party this year? lol
5. song: the ones i make up, al the time
6. experience: my feetsies getting tattooed, well worth the pain
7. concert: umm, refer to #2, thanks
8. book: i havent read a book for fun in a while, even tho i buy books all the time
9. month: its hard to say, everything good this year was followed by something terrible for me
10. day: august 5?

worst of the year:
1. party: the dinner thing after my grandpa's funeral
2. show: i dont think i saw any bad shows this year, luckily
3. cd: i dont buy cds anymore, i download songs, duh
4. movie: did i see dave chappelle's block party this year? lol
5. song:panic at the disco, whatever it is they sing
6. experience: may-july and november, not going to my college graduation ceremony because my grandfather was dying
7. concert: ?
8. book: no idea
9. month: may-july and november
10. Day: april 30th

hopes for 2007:
1. predict something that you think will happen in 2007?: i'll get a decent job
2. what do you hope changes about your country?: too many things to list
3. what do you hope for yourself?: i hope i will stay happy and be loved and that i will have a kick ass 21st birthday (same as joelle, and i too will turn 23)
4. what do you hope for your family?: everyone will be healthy, happy and quit scaring the crap out of me with "close calls"
5. what do you hope for your best friend?: that she finds a nice boy and that she stays as amazing as she is (which of course will happen, she's been that way since i met her) and that she finds a winning lotto ticket on the ground

during 2006:
1. where were you when it began?: nick's old house on lexington
2. did you stay up?: yea
3. what was your new year wish?: to be happy
4. how many boyfriends?: one
5. broke up?: nope
6. have any crushes?: i date my crush, duh
7. care to mention names?: nick bua (at first i typed nick punishment lol)
8. new friends?: a ton
9. had to say goodbye?: sadly yes
10. missed anyone?: yes
11. win anything?: 400 playing bingo in vegas!
12. best place you went to?: upstate, las vegas, florida wasnt bad either
13. worst place you went to?: new jersey
14. happiest moment?: i had a few amazing moments which i'm keeping to myself
15. how was your birthday?: not too bad
16. best present?: my tattoos

1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before? a bunch of things

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? i didnt make any this year, but i will next year

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? no

4. Did anyone close to you die? my grandpa

5. What countries did you visit? nothing out of the us this year :(

6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006? money

7. What days from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? im july 12th, my grandpa passed away. at his funeral my cousin dolores told me i made a scene because i was crying, my family's not good with emotion

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? graduating college

9. What was your biggest failure? no comment

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? not really

11. What was the best thing you bought? tattoos

14. Where did most of your money go? tattoos, vegas

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? tattoos, vegas

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2006? no idea

17. Did you fall in love in 2006? i was already in love

18. What was your favorite TV program? no clue

19. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? vickie, i wouldnt say i hate christine, she's just not my friend anymore even tho i tried to start communication again

22. What was your greatest musical discovery? the tsunamis

23. What did you want and get? tattoos

24. What did you want and not get? money, a job

25. What was your favorite film of this year? i answered that already

26. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? i was 22 and i hung out with nick and some people then everyone went out the following sunday for my birthday

27. What kept you sane? i wasnt sane much, but i'd have to say nick

27. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? that ham on the street guy, cause he looks like nick, lol

28. What political issue stirred you the most? they reinstate the draft, nick and i get to go to england

29. Who did you miss? my grandpa

30. Who was the best new person you met? everyone i met was the best

31. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006: no matter how long you live, life's too short

32. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: "i know you'll make it. be strong. i love you"

Mon, 20 Nov 2006 04:11:26 GMT

I feel as if things are moving and changing for everyone for the better except for me. it's like the universe decided in my twenty-second year of life on this planet, i should get shit on. i feel myself wanting to slip back into past habits and prior destructive tendencies i used to cope throughout my life. i feel so helpless lately, and its scaring the shit out of me.

i'm in love, again

Sat, 30 Sep 2006 05:15:55 GMT

it's really not fair that i cant get this dog. if anyone would like to contribute to the "help nick and jess get a puppy" fund, please let me know, and i'll supply my paypal info, i'm dead serious.

here's a little tip...

Thu, 28 Sep 2006 05:57:50 GMT

if you're going to flirt with my boyfriend, try not to be so gross, and also dont do it while i'm two fucking feet away from him. next time, i'll punch your face in, but lets hope you're smart enough where there isnt a next time.

pointless rant, dont bother reading

Wed, 20 Sep 2006 03:15:49 GMT

i know that i want to write something, i just dont know what it is that i want to write. i've been writing this entry in my head for what seems like weeks, but now that i'm sitting with my fingers on the keys, nothing is coming to mind. i need a change. this is the time of year where i get terrible depressed but do my best to hide it from everyone, its frusterating and disappointing. i stayed home tonite because i've got a cold, i alternated feeling good and feeling like shit every five to ten minutes. i hate being home, especially when i know everyone else is out. all i do is sit and think about things, most of which are past events, and i just get depressed and moody and end up crying like the little girl i am. the thought of being an "adult" is far to frightening for me to handle. i feel like if i dont get my life sorted out by like, tomorrow, i'm going to just fuck the entire thing up. i really cant stand being home right now, but i dont know where people are, and i'm not going to go out and look for people, even if i probably know where everyone's hanging out. its weird, not hanging out one night is like not going to school for a day. the next day you walk in and see everyone, and you instantly think everything amazing happened when you werent there, and everyone will have great stories to tell and inside jokes that you just wont be apart of because you werent there to witness them. when i'm in this frame of mind, i wish there was just a button or a switch i could use that would just shut my brain off for a little while so i wouldnt be getting so worked up and upset over absolutely nothing. sometimes i can honestly say i dont like how my mind works, because it feels like its just setting me up for failure.

collage?

Sun, 10 Sep 2006 19:17:44 GMT

Create your own! Originally Written By ga_woo, Hosted and ReWritten by darkman424

august 29th, 2006

Tue, 29 Aug 2006 05:39:26 GMT

today, i am officially old. one of my friends, who i've known for a couple years now, is engaged. i am now friends with someone who is engaged. now i'm old.

no more dirty feet for me

Sun, 06 Aug 2006 15:05:59 GMT

*the quality on the first three pictures suck because we took them with my phone

these are the sketches Dylan made for my tattoos

this is me getting tattooed. my right foot was a piece of cake, most of the time you werent even able to tell if i was getting tattooed or not. there's not picture of my left foot getting tattooed, because a) that one sucked, a lot and b) i asked nick to leave for a little while, lol.

so after nearly five and a half hours, with only one real break so Dylan could eat his lunch, i've got these amazing people on my feet. i plan on taking pictures when i'm healed and i'm not super swollen anymore, but they still look amazing besides all that.

i'm sorry jesus

Sat, 22 Jul 2006 06:11:02 GMT

I sure hope that donkey doesnt have any heiny trolls
tonite was a lot of fun, i needed a nite like tonite. clerks 2 was amazing, the gay guy giving nick the eye was hilarious, and coffee and quality time with everyone was a lot of fun too. seriously, i promise, pictures from my birthday will be up at some point, they have to be, i have to still send adam pictures, but on another note, seriously, people need to learn how to drive. dont fucking talegate me, especially at night, learn to drive. thats probably why your car looks the way it does.

i have seen the beauty of life and the decadence of suffering.

Wed, 12 Jul 2006 05:16:05 GMT

i went back to see what i wrote when anne died. none of it applys to my grandfather. he will be missed, he was loved, he was more than someone just taking up oxygen. i think right now i'm kind of numb to everything. i broke down in kinkos when my mom called, and havent really cried since. we knew it was coming, but there were points where he seemed he was going to pull through. things just wont be the same without him. i love you grandpa.

year anniversary

Wed, 05 Jul 2006 06:26:21 GMT

an entire year, already. it doesnt seem possible. we've been through so much, its hard to think of a good memory that doesnt involve you. i cant describe how lucky i am to have you in my life, i love you so much. <3

Sun, 02 Jul 2006 22:09:12 GMT

Let's hear what you think of me now
but baby don't look up,
the sky is falling